


Too Much Exposition

by MootPoint



Category: Urinetown: The Musical - Hollmann/Kotis
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-09 11:02:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15266094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MootPoint/pseuds/MootPoint
Summary: Haven't you ever wondered what happened before the musical? Now's your chance to find out! A pre-post-apocalyptic look at American society through the eyes of everyone's second-favorite meta narrator (There's no beating Deadpool at his own game).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note: In January of 2018, I had the privilege of joining my high school’s production of Urinetown as Officer Lockstock. My friends and I had a lot of fun making up backstories and combining characters’ lives in ways that were wildly improbable. It was, to put it mildly, a lot of fun. Then my brain started actually focusing on it, and voila! This piece of flaming garbage was born. This will be my first submission to AO3, although I have been a longtime reader. Hope you guys enjoy! -Moot Boork

Prologue  
Well, hello there. And welcome to Urinetown. Not the place, of course, or the musical. This is Urinetown, the novel. Some of you are doubtless familiar with the musical. Others may be completely confused. Either way, let me explain. 

Urinetown the musical takes place in an unnamed American town where severe droughts and a looming water shortage led to the monopolizing private toilet firm known as Urine Good Company, or UGC for short. The UGC’s crippling pee-pee fees eventually led to a populist revolt, led by the archetypal hero Bobby Strong and his love interest, Hope Cladwell. After that, well, shit hits the fan, if you’ll excuse my use of idiom. 

If you did already know that, then I thank you for your patience. Those of you who saw the musical probably opened this story for one reason: To find out more. More about its characters, perhaps. More about this book. Or even, more about what the musical didn’t tell you. What happened during the Stink Years? How did the UGC manage to escape regulatory business practices, and establish themselves as the sole provider of relief services? How did Urinetown truly come to be? 

Well, whether you’ve born witness to the Broadway musical or not, whether or not you’re familiar with the likes of Caldwell B. Cladwell, Officer Lockstock, and Old Man Strong, be prepared to go on a journey like never before. 

-Officer H. Lockstock

 

Chapter One: The Beginning  
Perhaps I ought to start at the very beginning, when the town of Cladwell, USA was founded. Perhaps I should describe Caldwell B. Cladwell the First, and how his shrewd business practices drew the ire of Native Americans to the point where he made his fortune in the New World by selling Native land and including free muskets and ammunition with purchase. 

I could do that, of course, and discuss every Cladwell that came after him, like Ivan Cladwell, who partly funded the American Civil War. Or I could tell you about Alecto Cladwell, called the Black Widow, who outlived three husbands, two daughters, and one grandson before dying in her sleep just before the start of the second World War. 

I could do that. It’s not like you haven’t heard about them before, however, so I don’t have to. I can tell you about the Stink Years, and about the time before them. 

Caldwell B. Cladwell the Sixth was born in Cladwell, like almost every other Cladwell before him. (His cousin, Vladimir Cladwell, was born overseas under mysterious circumstances that were never explained). I, Henry Locke-Stock, was also born in Cladwell, in a house just down the street from Cladwell Manor. 

Caldwell and I grew up together because our fathers were close. We played together, learned to walk, even learned to shoot a gun together in the woods outside Cladwell Manor. We played high school baseball for the Cladwell Crocs together. Even in our early years, though, it was clear we were not our fathers. Boris Cladwell was a kind, flighty man who owned a toy train business, but left the details of day-to-day running the business to my father, Gerald Stock. My father was a take-charge man, with a heart of gold and an iron fist, and was well-loved by the employees of Cladwell Consolidated. 

Caldwell was such a shrewd businessman that he used to charge our classmates their lunch money to see things he had found or stolen from his father. I didn’t have my father’s natural charisma or compromising ability. I found it easier to follow Caldwell into whatever darkness or danger that he wandered into. It was just easier for me, to be Caldwell’s shadow than to be my own man and deal with the scrutiny that leadership demanded. 

Yet somehow, trailing Caldwell everywhere became its own kind of motivation. The drive to follow him and the fear of being left behind helped me to keep my grades up in his Honors classes, got me into The Most Expensive University In The World. It even led me to meet the woman that would become my wife. 

We were in the bar closest to our college dorms, where seniors often went after class. Caldwell and I were at a booth, on either side of a sticky wooden table with a bowl of salted peanuts between us. Old music blared from speakers that looked older than our parents. “Why are we here again?” I asked over a static-filled guitar solo. 

“Access, Hank. Access is everything. We need to be in touch with these people.” Caldwell said patiently.

“You know I hate that name. “ I reminded him. “Only my grandmother calls me that.” 

“I am well aware.” Caldwell smirked. He took a sip of his beer. “Blech.” 

“Time to go?” I asked. 

Caldwell opened his mouth to answer, but before he could, he was interrupted. “Heyyyyyyy.” A pair of girls staggered over to our table. “Can we sit here?” The speaker (or perhaps slurrer was more apt) was a dark-haired girl with skin like caramel. Her companion was a taller, blonde girl with blue eyes and pale skin.  
Without waiting for an answer, they slid into the booth, pushing us in. We were trapped by two girls who smelled like a barrel of cheap whiskey left in the sun. I shot a panicked glance at Caldwell. As usual, he seemed to have everything under control. “Hello, ladies.” His tone was neutral, calm as still water. “I’m Caldwell B. Cladwell the Sixth. And you are?” 

The darker girl giggled. “I’m Penelope Pennywise.” She said in a singsong voice.  
“And I’m Linna.” The blond girl said, her breath wafting onto my face. It reeked of liquor, to the point where I was amazed that she was still conscious. 

“So you are.” Caldwell purred. “And what are you two ladies doing here?” 

“Penny’s looking for a new sugar daddy.” Linna sang, leaning into my shoulder. I flinched. 

“Oh my God, shut up, Linna.” Penny giggled. Her face suddenly grew serious, and she retched. The girl that Caldwell and I had just met proceeded to throw up all over our table. Linna and I jumped out of the booth, and Caldwell and Penny weren’t long behind. Penny wiped her mouth with her sleeve. “I’m so sorry.” She wept on his shoulder. 

I saw something in his eyes then, a glimmer of rare emotion. I turned to Linna, who looked rather bored with the whole turn of events. “Do you need to be back at your dorm?” 

“I mean, it’s not like I have a curfew, but I might as well head back. Will you walk me there…?” 

“Henry.” I supplied. I showed my most charming grin, just like my mother had taught me. “Henry Locke-Stock.” 

“WIll you walk me there, Henry?” Linna tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “Who knows what could happen without a strong man like you to protect me?” She winked. 

“I feel like you’d be alright.” I said. “What about those two?” 

“Penny will take good care of him.” Linna said, exaggerating her words. 

“You mean….Oh. Oh.” I gasped with realization. “Oh dear.” 

“Best to leave.” Linna said sweetly. “I’ll race you?” 

“I don’t think that’s a good-” I started, but she was already halfway to the door, remarkably nimble for a girl I hadn’t thought could walk. It was like watching a baby deer take steps, all shaky and adorable. I followed after her, and threw the door open. I watched her stumble down the sidewalk, drawing glances from the people walking nearby. I managed to catch up to her just as she started to fall. “Maybe let’s not race?” I suggested as I gently lifted her back up to her feet. 

“See? I told you something would happen without you around.” Linna laughed, her hot breath wafting pure alcohol into my face. 

“How much did you drink?” I asked, wrinkling my nose. 

“Three.”

“Three what?” I asked. 

“Bottles.” 

“Of beer?” 

“No…” 

The two of us made our way down the sidewalk, with Linna draping one arm around my shoulder for support. I had my my arm around her waist. What had taken me and Caldwell only fifteen minutes took the two of us over half an hour. This was partly because the boys’ dorms were a little closer to the bar than the girls’ dorm, and partly because the girl I was with kept stumbling over her own feet. We finally got there, although the stairs had seemed insurmountable at times. Linna giggled to herself as she dug in her purse for a key card. 

Along the way, we had talked. We talked about our favorite colors, the best classes we had had so far, and what pets we would like. My answers were: Blue, Criminal Justice, and a dog, respectively. Linna said gold, American History, and Labrador retriever. I nodded in appreciation. 

“Thanks for walking me home.” Linna said. I finally took my arm away from her waist. To no one’s surprise, her knees immediately buckled. I caught her- again. This time, I picked her up and started carrying her, bridal-style. I pushed the door open with my foot. 

“Which bed is yours?” I asked. 

“That one.” She pointed. I walked over and laid her down as gently as I could. “Thank you, Henry. I had fun.” 

“Yeah,” I agreed, surprising myself. “We should do this again sometime.” 

“Really?” Linna laughed wryly. “I agree.” 

“I'll see you soon, then.” I promised. I leaned down close to kiss her forehead. Quicker than I would have thought she could move, Linna grabbed my head and firmly kissed me on the lips.  
It was not a Hollywood kiss. It was not accompanied by fireworks, artificial rain, or crowds cheering. It was messy, slobbery, and tasted of the vodka that she had been drinking. But damned if that wasn't the best kiss I would ever have.

“Goodnight, Henry.” Linna said cheerfully. “Sleep tight.” 

“And don't let the bed bugs bite.” I finished. “Goodnight, Linna.” But she was already asleep. So I turned out the lights, shut the door, and started walking back to my own room, the taste of vodka still buzzing on my lips. 

It was late at night, the pitch black time when secrets are told and made and kept, when Caldwell returned to our dorm. I was studying for our test the next week. He opened the door slowly, and walked in even slower. I turned around, a slow grin spreading across my face as I took him in. 

His usually immaculate blond hair was messed up beyond simple repair, flying every which way. His skin was flushed bright scarlet. A large purple mark was visible on his neck. I cackled wildly.  
“Not a word.” He warned. But the opportunity was too good to pass up.  
“Look what the cat dragged in.” I drawled. “You sure had quite a time with Penny, didn't you? Tell me, did the bite mark cost extra?” 

“Shut your mouth.” Caldwell warned. “She's not a whore.”  
“I'm only teasing.“ I said cheerfully. “She seemed lovely. Besides, it's not every day that the impervious Caldwell B. Cladwell VI lets down his guard like this.”  
“I'm going to bed.” He grumbled, storming across the room and angrily ripping off his clothing. My eye was nearly put out by a flying argyle sock, followed by its companion. “Don't bother me.”  
“Oh well.” I sighed. “I had a lovely time with Linna, too. Thanks for asking.”  
“Henry, I think I might love that girl.” Caldwell’s voice was small.  
“Me too, Cal. Me too.” I sighed again, and turned back to my work, but my heart was no longer in it. My heart was lost in an alcohol-flavored kiss. Looking back on it now, it was that night which truly began an evil chain of events that ended a lifelong friendship and gave rise to the moral monstrosity that my friend would eventually coin Urinetown. 

The rest of our senior year at TheMosEx was almost uneventful. Caldwell and I continued to go out with Linna and Penny; That is, I went out every weekend with Linna, and Caldwell and Penny continued to fornicate on every flat surface they could find.  
And after that, we came home, ready to run the world, or at least our small town. We brought with us our loved ones.  
But the world we left was not the one we returned to. The man who had been elected President of the United States had taken our country out of the Paris Accords, which helped regulate fossil fuel consumption. He had stripped away protective measures that were supposed to save oceans and forests. Global warming, long thought to be a myth, was quickly becoming undeniable. Pollutants left major freshwater sources undrinkable. There was tension on the air.

And this might not have been a problem. Certainly not for Cladwell Consolidated, whose reach was in all sectors of the economy, especially in non renewable energy. Caldwell was making enormous money because of the President’s ignorance. But there were other issues.  
The President initiated a trade war, spiking the price of goods imported from countries that had done nothing wrong. And so they retaliated.  
Soon all goods, not just those produced in America, were sharply inflated in price. Only the rich could afford to live anymore. It was, as they say, a perfect storm


	2. Chapter Two: The Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The worst day of Henry's life.

The worst day of my life happened almost a year after Caldwell and I came home, with our new girlfriends in tow. We had graduated TheMosEx with degrees in Business and Criminal Justice respectively. I took a job with the Cladwell Police Department while my friend took his place at the head of his family business, which just so happened to be a multi billion dollar company. I proposed to Linna almost as soon as she had moved in with me in my family's house. We were married in the winter of that year. Caldwell and Penny did not marry. 

But enough of that. You, the reader, would rather hear about the worst day of my life. So here we go. 

The riots were ramping up and increasing in intensity. You couldn't go a week without hearing about massive destruction in one of the big cities. Never had I imagined it would travel to our small town. But Caldwell walked into the station with a grave expression. He spoke a few words to the chief that I couldn't hear from my desk. Then he walked over to me. "Walk with me, old friend." 

I followed him outside. The spring air brought with it the smell of flowers and fresh grass, and the sky was clear and blue. "What's wrong?" I asked. 

"Henry... We had a riot on the factory floor earlier today. Your father went down and tried to shut it down, but a brawl broke out and he got caught in it. The police weren't called. We brought him to the hospital on our own. It's... It's not looking good for him, Hank." Caldwell's voice broke. 

"I have to see him." I said. My ears were ringing, and my head was pounding. "Caldwell, I need to be there." 

"Chief says you can go. Hop in my car." Caldwell grabbed my arm and led me to his car. He watched me get into the passenger side. I'd never seen him drive so reckless before. 

My father had been immortal when I was a child. The immovable man, disciplinarian when I misbehaved and mischievous man who offered me candy when my mother's back was turned. The immortal man now laid in a hospital bed, under a medically induced coma while machines beeped instead of a heartbeat and rasped in place of his breathing. It broke my heart. 

My mother sat by his side, weeping while she held his limp hand. Linna sat next to her, holding my mother. There was enough sadness in the room without me, so I became furious. "Who did this?" I demanded. "Which of those bastards killed my father?" 

"He's not dead yet, Henry. " Caldwell tried to calm me down. "There may yet be something for him." 

"I still want them punished." I snarled. "Who was it?" 

"You know how these things go. Mob mentality. We can't seem to get one person to take the blame. The instigators were all released from Cladwell Consolidated. That's as much as I can give you, Henry." Caldwell said. "I need to go now. You know where to find me, right?" 

"I'll swing by the Manor if I need you." I mumbled as he walked out of the room. A sharp cold settled in my bones, in my gut, in my ribcage. I felt so cold, so lost. I turned and stormed out of the room. 

Once in college, I had smoked a cigarette. A single cigarette. And 'smoked' was a bit generous. I had taken one breath, hated it, and spent the next five minutes hacking and coughing. I had gotten drunk once on college too. Only once, because Caldwell and I both hated the feeling of losing control over anything. The minute I felt my tongue become loose, I stopped drinking. Why do I mention this? 

That feeling of powerlessness, of not having control over events as severe as my own father's life, settled in my stomach along with grief and anger and pain. I felt nauseous. I put my head down and tried to slow my breathing. 

"Hey." A familiar voice said soothingly. "Are you going to be okay?" 

I looked up into blue eyes like the sky. "I have no idea."   
I said honestly. "I... I don't know what to do." 

"Well, your mother is still alive. She's in there. Go to her." Linna said gently. 

"What about you?" I asked. "I can't leave you." 

"I'll be fine." My wife smiled. "I won't be alone again for a while." 

My ears twitched. "What?" 

"I was going to tell you later at dinner, make a whole scene of it." Linna gestured sadly. She rubbed her stomach. "Henry, I'm pregnant."

My stomach turned. The worst day of my life and the best news I'd ever heard. I decided to smile. "That's amazing, dear." 

"Go," she shooed me off the chair. "Be with your mother. I'll be fine." 

I walked back into the room with the beeping and the rasp of the breathing machine. "Mother?" I said gently. 

"Oh, hello Henry. I was just... dozing off." My mother's face was streaked with tears. "He seems so peaceful when he sleeps. He always has." She looked down at her husband. "I used to always wake up before him in the mornings before you were born. And I would just watch him sleep. Does that sound odd?" 

"Not at all." I said with a lump in my throat, knowing I did the same thing with my wife. "I understand completely. It makes you feel... Like you're doing something right." 

"Yes, exactly." My mother smiled. "She's a lucky girl." 

"And he's a lucky man." I nodded to my father's sleeping form. 

My mother's smile shattered. "I just don't know what I'll do without Gerald. Henry, I don't know how I'll stay sane without him." 

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I know, Mother. But... He would want you to keep living. Why would Father want you to break down without him?" 

"You're right." My mother sniffed. Then she pulled a clipboard out of her lap. She clicked a pen. 

"What's that?" I asked warily. 

"It's the permission to turn off life support." My mother said. "I... didn't want to do it just yet. But you're right... Gerald wouldn't want me to stop living just because he did. " 

I watched in a daze as my mother signed the form, summoned a nurse, and handed it to her. I watched the team of doctors surround my father doing last minute checks. Linna entered the room silently and I felt her squeeze my shoulder firmly as the plugs connecting my father to life were pulled out of him. The only thing I could really hear was the flatline as it whined. 

I came away from that moment broken. I felt like I had been cheated by the mob that had formed... why? Why had that riot broken out? Food and water? What were such trivial things against the life of my father, a man who had worked tirelessly to help the very men and women who had killed him. I remembered the bruises marring his skin as he had lain in the hospital bed. I wondered how they had gotten there. A sick film ran in my head of power tools and furious people beating down on the first person they saw. Mobs... Mobs had killed my father. Not the lack of resources, not the government. It was the people of this town who had killed him. And if I ever met the bastard who landed the finishing blow, I didn't know what I'd do.


End file.
